Once upon a time...
In a not so faraway place filled with some magic and a LOT of wonder, a pestilence filled the land. Townspeople, dragons, and fairies alike were staying home in their houses, caves, and wherever fairies live. Despite the despair, hopelessness, frustration (and borderline alcoholism) brought on by the plague, there was courage and bravery too.
One brave knight was determined to bring hope to the inhabitants of this forsaken land.
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One brave knight was determined to bring hope to the inhabitants of this forsaken land.
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After he received word of your household’s plight, our brave knight met with the Queen of Fairies. She revealed to him that the answer of hope and survival he sought was not bottomless wine and chips, but was instead being forged with dragon's fire and elven magic in a far away land. Before he departed, the Queen placed the Ball of Anxiety in his hand. “Squeeze this,” she said, “and with it you will conquer all pain and hardship. Also it is soft, so if you were to throw it at someone in frustration, they will not get hurt. Probably.”
With his Uber- *cough* I mean noble steed and not particularly enchanted Ball of Anxiety, the knight continued his quest in search of the dragons and elves who held the cure to your household’s predicament.
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With his Uber- *cough* I mean noble steed and not particularly enchanted Ball of Anxiety, the knight continued his quest in search of the dragons and elves who held the cure to your household’s predicament.
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Hark! Doth the herald angel sing? No wait, ‘tis the sound of a fairy messenger from the Kingdom of Fairies! The messenger has flown all this way with a message (what else would a messenger fly with?) from our brave knight, who has FOUND the cure forged by dragons and fairies! The knight’s message ended with a mysterious-looking code “[INSERT YOUR TRACKING CODE HERE],” but perhaps the knight meant for you to decipher it. I don’t know, I’d probably just Google it if I were you.
“We are all in this together, my brave townspeople,” the fairy messenger sang as she flew away into the forest, before one of your household’s children could trap her in a jar.
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“We are all in this together, my brave townspeople,” the fairy messenger sang as she flew away into the forest, before one of your household’s children could trap her in a jar.
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Greetings goodly townspeople!
It is with great pride and honor that we bring you the news of our courageous knight’s conquest. He put on work clothes and braved the dragon’s cave, then bribed the dark elf with three rolls of Charmin. But fear not! To the victor go the spoils, and into your hands go the tools of survival promised by the brave knight himself. He sends to you, on behalf of the Queen of Fairies, the Ball of Anxiety so that you may have control over pain and hardship. Also so that you may heave it towards those who displease you during the plague...
May this message find you in good spirits as you defy this plague just as our brave knight has.
It is with great pride and honor that we bring you the news of our courageous knight’s conquest. He put on work clothes and braved the dragon’s cave, then bribed the dark elf with three rolls of Charmin. But fear not! To the victor go the spoils, and into your hands go the tools of survival promised by the brave knight himself. He sends to you, on behalf of the Queen of Fairies, the Ball of Anxiety so that you may have control over pain and hardship. Also so that you may heave it towards those who displease you during the plague...
May this message find you in good spirits as you defy this plague just as our brave knight has.